I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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