i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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