remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
