Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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