im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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