i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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