Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
