just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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