just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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