I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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