Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
