God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
