You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
