Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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