I'm jealous of your bromance
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
