you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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