just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
