I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
