me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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