woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
