yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
