I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
