Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
