I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
