mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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