oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
