i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
