Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
