shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
