I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
