You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
