i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
