I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
