make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
