I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
