So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
