handjob tips. give me some.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
