You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
