i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
