i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
