I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
