tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
