The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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