We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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