Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
