these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
