I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
