And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
