Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she smelled like a LAN party
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
