Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
